Let’s get you straightened out! Greatest Human In The Universe, aka GHITU, offers taboo tips and outrageous advice — plus book reviews, product reviews, service notes, incredible stories of inspiration, and more — helping you become the greatest human in the universe.
Guys, Josh here—
Whether by luck or a ridiculous serendipity, you’ve just stumbled upon the most fabulous success satire site in the universe. It’s all here. Everything you could ever need to become THE GREATEST HUMAN IN THE UNIVERSE is now at your fingertips. Everything you need to achieve greatness rapidly.
Becoming the greatest human in the universe—let alone becoming the greatest anything, for that matter—isn’t a matter of luck or chance.
Greatness is a planned effort that takes determination, fortitude, and grit. Nothing in life worth having is easy to get. That goes double when the universe is your competition.
But take heart, because that’s where GHITU comes in.
While we can’t take away the hard work, we can give you some tips and advice along the way. And that’s what we’re here for: taboo tips and outrageous advice to help YOU become the greatest human in the universe.
Get started reading below now to achieve greatness rapidly!
Yours in greatness,
Josh
Call me a tool, but ever since I was a child I’ve been altruistic. I’ve wanted to help people like you improve their lives with the latest and best tips and tools for success.
And that’s what Greatest Human In The Universe (aka GHITU) is all about. It’s about giving you the tools and resources you need—around here we call them taboo tips & outrageous advice—to become the greatest human in the universe.
The giving of advice is nothing new.
For thousands of years, and across myriad civilizations around the globe, the human race has attempted to craft and catalog the greatest advice and tips of all time—to make a thorough and complete record of the best possible advice on any personal or professional topic anybody could imagine, so that, as Egyptian historian and sage Ektuck once wrote, “we might strong-arm the world and bend it to our will, or at least straighten ourselves out.”
And so on and so on throughout history each civilization has attempted to create just the kind of thing you’ve stumbled upon: a collection of the best advice anybody has ever given, or could ever give.
Evidence of these attempts can be seen everywhere, and in conspicuous places. Consider the works of Plato. That age-old philosopher tried to piggyback on the work of self-help pioneer Socrates, who also wanted to create the greatest advice in the universe. Plato did his best to assemble superlative wisdom.
But the paucity and limited scope of his work (he didn’t, for example, offer any tips for successful chariot maneuvering, or the best practices for peeping through Athenian windows, or—his greatest oversight of all—advice on how manage living in close proximity to people you’ve known all your life and don’t like at all but can’t get away from because to do so would mean a lengthy and dangerous voyage to a place you’ve never seen but only heard of and would probably result in your capture, enslavement, and eventual murder at the hands of people you don’t know and don’t understand and don’t like at all) and his refusal to publish anything online has sequestered his work in institutions of higher learning.
Throughout history, similar individuals have attempted this coalescence, and all to no avail.
Even American founding father Benjamin Franklin lit upon the idea, though like everybody else, he never brought it to fruition.
Franklin’s insight appeared in 1780 through the haze and fog of an opium-smoke filled back room in Passy, France.
In those days after the American Revolution Mr. Franklin looked out across the world using alien technology (bequeathed to him by a local farmer who had had a strange encounter with aliens one night in his field, though he preferred the more parochial view of his farm to the enlarged vision of the world, which only confused him), and between orgies and wine-tasting, as Franklin perused the world high and low, inspected it, investigated it, he reached a startling conclusion.
He said to himself, “Do you know what the world really needs?”
How surprised he was when a disembodied voice responded, “I couldn’t guess.”
Further surprise flooded Franklin’s mind when he heard himself reply, “Unfiltered access to the greatest and best tips and tricks and advice that’s ever existed.”
“Hmm,” said the voice, and was never heard from again.
Whether it was the opium or the wine or his own senility, Franklin never knew. He died ten years later, to the day, having never brought this work to life. No evidence suggests that he believed it to be possible, anyway.
“I gave them a Revolution,” Franklin said on his deathbed. “Now they can rot in Hell, Hades, Gehenna, the Underworld, or in the land of non-existence, whatever the case may be.”
Modern day self-help gurus have followed in these illustrious footsteps, attempting the same, yet for similar reasons falling short. Yes, falling short..until now.
They’ve all known that they were mere amateurs, hacks in a machine much larger and infinitely more sophisticated than themselves.
The one advantage they had over everybody else was that they knew that nobody else knew that they didn’t know what they were talking about. And so they pretended that they did, the suckers lined up, and keep lining up, and these amateurs lined their pockets, and keep lining their pockets.
It was my unprecedented experiences with Zeus in Greece (read more about me and my adventures here) that gave me both the key and the mandate to, once and for all, work up the final word in sage advice, and to distribute it online for world consumption.
It is for people like you, people whose burden and burning desire is to become the greatest human in the universe, that this work is dedicated.
No matter where you’re from, or what species you are, or how you identify, this blog is for you. My unprecedented access into success and achievement leave all would-be advisers far behind in the dust of mediocrity. I am the true voice of reason.
If you’re ready to get started now, follow this link to the Greatest Human In The Universe blog.
Yours In Greatness, And all the Best, And Better than the Rest,
Josh
