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Month: February 2024

Vladimir Lenin’s 4 Super Rules for Happiness

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Lenin's Rules for Happiness Featured Image

I have found the secret of true and lasting happiness.
– VLADIMIR LENIN

Hi guys, Josh here with an important message about your happiness.

Are you ready for ironclad rules for happiness? Rules that are as firm as an iron fist? Rules that brook no backtalk? If so, look no further than the wisdom of Russian revolutionary Vladimir Lenin.

Lenin knew what it was to come up against a maelstrom of stupid thinking, and through force–mostly force–and verbal persuasion, to turn the tide in favor of reasonable, rational, and reliable rules to regulate every area of life.

Lenin was a man of the people. As such, he understood the struggles that all of us face in our quest for happiness. The key difference between you and Lenin, however, was that Lenin knew where to find happiness, while you don’t.

“Do you know why you are not happy?” Lenin would ask many of those imprisoned in the gulags. “It is because you have failed to follow my rules. Had you followed them, would you not be at home right now, warming yourself before a beneficent fire, filled to the brim with happiness, rather than being beaten to death with a rubber hose?”

A fair question.

For this reason it only makes sense to look into the ideas of Vladimir Lenin so that we can learn from this venerable sage how to be happy forever.

With that, let’s dive right into Vladimir Lenin’s rules for happiness.

Rule 1: Out With the Old, In With The New

Those who are really convinced that they have made progress in science would not demand freedom for the new views to continue side by side with the old, but the substitution of the new views for the old.
– VLADIMIR LENIN

In a nutshell, out with the old ideas, and in with the new.

Lenin says that when a new and better idea comes along, those who promulgate such ideas, if they are really convinced they have the new and better idea, wouldn’t want the old ideas to have any room left to stand on. Cut those old ideas down.

Silence the fools who espouse these antiquated notions.

Rules for Happiness Tips for Getting Rid of the Old

Getting rid of old ideas is something like taking out the trash.

First, we must identify what is trash.

Trash is anyone who refuses to acknowledge the march of progress and wants their outmoded ideas to be treated with the same respect as the new and better ideas.

Please! As if there is room for lies. Those who espouse such tripe must be silenced.

Second, we must have a proper receptacle for that trash.

The best place for trash is the trash heap, and in this case the trash heap is prison.

In prison, the pieces of trash may huddle together and at last ramble on about their old ideas and why, despite evidence to the contrary, their ideas should still be listened to.

They can do no one any harm in prison. Cut off from society, they may feel free to live in the past.

But our democratic nation is not so easily convinced that those who disagree with TRUTH should be imprisoned. So then the second best thing is ostracism.

This might mean ignorning the person. Or maybe you forget to invite them to the office party, or the interracial orgy you’re planning in the Bahamas. Something like that.

Either way, when you cut out that person’s voice, it is as though they were in prison. You could go visit them, but that would be depressing.

Besides, you are too busy living in the NOW, in the REAL WORLD of progress, to be concerned with outmoded fools.

As Jimmy Buffett once sang, “I love the now.”

KEY TO HAPPINESS. The key to happiness here is getting rid of old ideas and replacing those ideas with new ideas. If you have new ideas and come across esomethinx someone who has old ideas, get rid of that person–metaphorically or literally–as quickly as possible. This will maximize your happiness and theirs. The trick is really believing that what you have is better. Even if it isn’t, your sincerity will overcome mountains of obstacles.

Rule 2: Say It Over and Over Again

A lie told often enough becomes the truth.
– VLADIMIR LENIN

If you want to be happy, you’re going to have to tell the truth.

A recent study performed by the Buford-Schuck research associate conglomerates of America discovered that truth creates happiness just four percent of the time it’s employed.

The other 96% of the time its effects are deleterious.

The fact is, if you want to be happy, you’ve gotta lie. And you’re gonna want people around you to lie to you. After all, why would you want someone to tell you what they really think of you?

One of the greatest challenges you’re going to face is convincing people that the lie you’re telling is the truth.

And why shouldn’t it be?

As Lenin knew, reality is what we make it. Either someone makes it for you, or you make it for them.

Sure, you could tell them that your lie is the truth. You could argue with them, browbeat, harangue, humiliate, mock, impose–but what of it?

At the end of the day, most people are probably going to disagree with you, if only because they like fighting and disagreeing with other people.

Instead, take the high road. Through repetition, wear them out so that they have no choice but to agree. If you don’t have your own gulag to beat them into submission, at least wear them down through verbal repetition.

Simply repeat the lie over and over again.

The value here is training through conditioning. By repeating the same thing over and over again, you are hypnotizing everyone around you so that they will believe the lie.

This technique works well when you have a ready-made platform from which to speak, such as if you are a manager in the workplace.

If you don’t have a ready-made platform, build one through conversations with others.

Simply repeat the same lie over and over to as many people as possible, and eventually the rumor will have gained so much momentum that sorting the situation out would be far messier than simply accepting the lie as the truth.

Rule 3: Turn Mountains Into Molehills

But every little difference may become a big one if it is insisted on.
– VLADIMIR LENIN

Between you and the other gal, the differences might be slight.

But if you are willing to INSIST upon those differences, and blow them all out of proportion, there is little you can’t accomplish.

Turn the little difference into a big difference.

Lenin understood the concept of overreaction. He was forever overreacting to small things that most people would pay no attention to.

For example, looking at him incorrectly, or saying the right thing but with the wrong tone, would be met with weeks or months of torture and finally execution.

“It is in overreaction,” Lenin once said at a private hanging of a man who pointed out a smudge on Lenin’s shoes, “that we find recourse to advancement. Pull the lever.”

Lenin also understood the importance of turning a little deal into a big deal.

This is a handy variation of overreaction. Lenin knew that you could build an empire on one little thing that didn’t matter to anybody.

“Make them care,” he would say, “about the petals dying too quickly on the pink flowers, while the white flowers remain aloft in the cool breeze, and you will have a revolution ready-made.”

KEYS TO HAPPINESS. First, learn the fine art of overreacting. Sure, some people might tell you not to sweat the small stuff, but life is full of plenty of small things that you can leverage into massive influence. Sweat the small stuff, and make others do the same. Second, capitalize on little differences. Sure, the difference might mean nothing, but you can make it mean something.

For example, Loretta is blonde, you are brunette. Does this matter? Probably not–at least, not demonstrably–and yet you can capitalize on this difference. Blow it out of proportion. Overreact. Turn this blonde molehill into a mountain. Show that blonde bimbo bitch who’s boss. In doing so, you can convince many people that, on the basis of the color of Loretta’s hair, she is unfit to be “head beverage cart girl.” After all, brunettes have more fun.

Rule 4: Employ Insults, Tirades, and Verbal Abuse

It is, of course, much easier to shout, abuse, and howl than to attempt to relate, to explain.
– VLADIMIR LENIN

What could be simpler than this? Lenin himself even admits that it’s easier to “shout, abuse, and howl”.

Why relate or explain yourself and your ideas?

You will change no opinions.

Take the path of least resistance, then. Stop letting others try your patience.

Attempting to relate to others is pointless when you can cow them into submission through verbal violence.

Sure, we all want somebody to relate to us and explain themselves.

But most of the time the other person wants to be coddled. They aren’t interested in changing their mind. They want your attention.

So don’t give it to them. Give them the verbal fist instead.

KEYS TO HAPPINESS: Insult others, run with a tirade, make verbally abusive comments whenever there appears to be the need for an argumen or discussion, or wherever there is disagreement or resistance to your opinion. Use whatever verbal heavy-handedness will get the job done. And always follow the path of least resistance.

The Last Gasp

No matter who you are, you can use Vladimir Lenin’s rules for happiness. When you use these rules, you will be just as happy and successful as Vladimir Lenin. Better yet, if you should happen to fall sway to a Communist regime in which absolute conformity is expected, take heart: you can sing the praises of the Party with an open and honest heart.

The 4 Essential Dominant Personality Types: Hearts, Smarts, Guts, Luck

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Hearts, Smarts, Guts, and Luck personality types

Guys, Josh here with a quick word on the Four Dominants personality types.

You might have tried the Briggs-Meyer personality test. But believe me when I say, these four personality types beat B-M hands down.

  • Heart
  • Smarts
  • Guts
  • Luck

When it comes to personality, everybody’s dominant in one of these personality types.

The trick is figuring out which one you are and rolling with it.

Please note: There are no crossovers here, no shades of gray, no commingling of tendencies. Some think that they can circumvent this well-established and scientifically arranged system by combining various personality types. That, friend, is fake news. Avoid the attempt.

“The loser says in his heart, ‘I shall win, but not if I lose the fourth blessing.’” — Lau Tsu, 11th century, China

“At least I got second.” — A loser, everyday

With that, let’s look at the four dominant personality types. Which one are you?

1. Heart-Dominant

Heart dominant personality types think with their hearts or their feelings.

Scratch that: when I say THINK, I don’t mean that they think, in the traditional sense.

This personality type is marked by a LACK OF THINKING.

What they do is feel. Feeling is the ultimate barometer. Whatever they feel is what is correct. Feeling is their gyroscope. If they feel, they are.

And it might be….

In 1947 a rocket scientist named Karl von Clauswitchickenstein shocked the engineering world when he said that the rocket he had designed, Bertha 1—named after his wife—was built using a hodgepodge of mathematical formulas and personal feelings.

No one was surprised by the mathematical formulas. Isn’t that what gets rockets off the ground?

But they took exception to the personal feelings. Said one onlooker, “Our scientists should be feelingless creatures who understand the difference between two plus two and ‘I feel sad’.”

What surprised most people is that the rocket attained an altitude of 37,000 feet.

What didn’t surprise anybody, however, is that the rocket then veered off course, plummeting at 800 miles an hour into a local farmer’s field.

The explosion was so belligerent that it killed the local farmer, who was just then planting that year’s potato crop.

A picture of Dr Clauswitchickenstein, personality types

If you missed point, it’s that sometimes feelings are correct. There is, however, no way to determine this, except through highly subjective analysis.

And let’s not forget that it was probably the mathematical elements of Dr. Clasuwitchickenstein’s efforts that got the rocket to 37,000 feet, while the feelings were probably responsible for the disaster that followed.

EVALUATION: If you are the feeling-dominant personality, you will have to spend long periods of time feeling over everything that happens, or could happen. You might also find yourself pondering just how you feel about pondering, thinking, and using your brain.

You might also find yourself trying to for a syncretism of fact and feeling. Well, just remember that once you reach your metaphorical 37,000 feet, the whole thing might come crashing down.

2. Smarts-Dominated

The Smarts dominated are most akin in their manner and thought processes to androids. They are the antithesis to the heart-dominated gang.

They feel nothing, sense nothing, lack empathy, and cannot understand anyone who doesn’t calculate every step along the way.

These people value intelligence, which often puts them at odds with those in the other groups, especially the heart-dominated group, whom they refer to as “losers”, “idiots,” “fools,” and “fodder for servitude.”

When it comes to love, this group is a total wash. Because they cannot, or choose not to, feel love, they cannot express it. The best they can do, and a potential lover could hope for, is that they would calculate the imperative or general or relative importance to society of actions that constitute or otherwise approximate what could be called by weaker-minded homo sapiens “love”.

These people have little or no time for love. Such things are for the weak.

There really is no excuse for feeling, they believe. They may be right: such personages populate industries in which no feeling is necessary.

Such personality types prefer to find work as surgeons, for example, in which those they deal with are generally unconscious.

EVALUATION: If you are among the smarts-dominated, you may have to pretend to show some kind of feeling to be accepted by society.

While everybody likes no-nonsense personages in certain fields, such feelinglessness is also associated with sociopathic and narcissistic tendencies that are often coupled with pursuits such as serial murder and banking.

If you are a serial killer, throw ursuers off the trail by adopting a bright and cheery personality. If you are a banker, it is best to avoid any kind of emotion, as a happy banker is generally considered suspicious.

3. Guts-Dominated

The guts-dominated personality types think only in terms of selecting the course of action that requires the most daring, courage, and bravery.

Whatever those terms might mean, be sure that this person always takes what could be called “the riskiest path.”

Take Ellen, a 29 year old guts-dominated graphic designer.

She lived for the thrill of displays of moral courage.

While driving to work one morning, she demonstrated her guts at a large four way intersection by doing the following:

  1. She pulled into the far right right-turn-only lane.
  2. The light was red, and she waited for the green light, while those behind her honked.
  3. Once the light turned green, she accelerated at breakneck speed, veering leftward across the intersection just in time to beat the traffic coming from both directions.

But this parable also points out one of the shortcomings of this psychology: what Ellen didn’t know is that the highway patrol was on hand.

Seeing Ellen cut diagonally across the busy intersection, and hovering somewhere just below the TRAFFIC TICKET QUOTA THRESHOLD for that month, the highway patrol officer gave chase.

Ellen, wishing again to show her guts, hit the gas.

So, what if this was a cop? Screw the pigs.

At 110 miles an hour in a 45, the highway patrol officer performed a PIT maneuver, which spun and flipped Ellen’s car. The car rolled six times.

She was okay, in the end, but her six month stint in jail turned out to be an excellent proving ground for her guts. Shankings, beatings, thefts, lies, pimping out other inmates—Ellen carved a niche of guts display in the county jail that few, if any, had ever shown or seen.

And all this from a midwestern girl who, in her senior yearbook, was ranked as “most shy by far and most likely to emit no cry when backed over by a lawnmower.”

As the Chinese say,

“Displays of courage, as with one hand clapping, lead either to death, or to further opportunities for such displays.”

In another case, 57 year old guts-dominated Larry, of Canton, Ohio, slaked his thirst for guts-display by making incendiary remarks to his former-pro-wrestling neighbors, whom he hoped to lure into physical altercations so he could demonstrate his guts.

After having his clock cleaned twice, he moved on to the more prosaic “stepping in front of moving vehicles on your street” trick, which has netted him six near misses, a dislocated shoulder, and two concussions.

EVALUATION: The fact is, if you are guts-dominated, you are always and only looking for the next gig by which to show your guts. Any display will do, and the more outlandish, the better.

It may be best for your loved ones to take out a hefty life insurance policy on you, and the sooner, the better.

Make few, if any, plans for the future, as you are not likely to be around to enjoy them.

4. Luck-Dominated

Luck-dominated personality types see life as a virtual crap shoot.

Every day is another question mark on the green felt of chance.

They see life as a giant casino in which they pay nothing to enter. The only qualification is that they are alive and of age, which they prove by handing over their driver’s license for age verification.

Every spin of the wheel, every pull of the lever and push of the button, ever turn of a card, holds out the promise of a chance to win big, to cash in, to hit the jackpot.

The strange pull of gravity, eliciting snake eyes instead of another combination. Such people plan nothing, because, after all, there is no reason to plan. Even if you plan, what happens is up to the fates.

One favorite saying of this crowd is, “barring an unforeseen event,” a phrase they toss into almost every conversation.

To live, to die, to get that promotion–luck, plain and simple. For the luck dominated, every event, no matter how predictable, is a gamble.

EVALUATION: If you are this personality type, chances are you are careless and carefree.

Believing that knowing the future is impossible, or even estimating what might happen is a fool’s errand, you don’t worry about what might happen. Whatever will be, will be. Your sangfroid is through the roof.

On the other hand, you might found yourself down in the dumps regularly. How you wish you could rig the dice, so that when you roll them you can guarantee a win for yourself.

But you know that things like planning ahead are all wastes of time. Sighing with hopelessness, you rise from bed and walk to the bathroom to prepare for work.

Even this makes you wonder. For after all, whether you will slip and die in the shower is, at best, a crapshot.

And you love it.

The Last Gasp

Wherever you are on the personality spectrum, your best bet is to accept your personality type and live within it.

Studies have shown that people who try to switch personality types end up going insane, or end up dead. Stick with what works, and stick with what you know.

By the way–which personality type are you? Let us know in the comments.